Hello Kansans! Or Kansites! Or people from the conference that recently decided Memphis ranked behind Rice, Tulane, Colorado State, SMU and seven other mediocrities in the quest for admission to the Big 12!
We bear no grudge. That is not our way. Ask anyone from Nashville. Ask John Calipari, whom we have forgiven completely. We can barely remember that he is an opportunistic con man who stripped the Memphis basketball program on his way out the door. Just this past year, we nearly had a dinner in his honor.
So we have taken no pleasure in the recent struggles of the Big 12, in Oklahoma’s humiliating loss to Houston, in Oklahoma State’s embarrassing loss to Central Michigan, or in TCU’s stunning, double-overtime loss to Arkansas. We found no glee when Kansas State lost to Stanford, Texas Tech lost to Arizona State and Iowa pummeled (42-3!) Iowa Sate.
Nor did we chortle at your own teams’s recent effort, when it was bested 37-21 at home by the mighty Ohio Bobcats. Those Bobcats nearly knocked off Texas State the week before. It could happen to anyone.
The point is, we bear you no ill will. Not for your role in the recent public humiliation of Memphis, and not for that jump shot by Mario Chalmers.
And just to prove it, I canvassed friends and strangers for any tips I could pass along to help you better enjoy your stay in Memphis. As you will see from the following list, they were all remarkably helpful.
21. The toothpicks at Huey’s are really fun. The game is to see if you can shoot yours into the hamburger of someone at the next table.